Category Archives: Advice

Something to Think About


A few months ago BrideTide tweeted on a Saturday morning, “Someone, somewhere is getting married today.”  It has stuck with me ever since.  

Obviously someone, somewhere is getting married all hours of the day and everyday of the week (Hello, Vegas!) but generally speaking in the United States wedding day is a Saturday.  Not too long ago I drove past a beautiful old church just as the bride and her bridesmaids got out of the car and began to climb up the steps.  
I was overjoyed. I didn’t know that bride, I had never been inside of that church, but I truly felt so excited for her and them.  I mentioned that tweet from many months ago in an effort to get everyone to share my joy.  Mark nodded along, and then my sister pointed out other major life things happen all the time too: people die and babies are born.

That is true.  Check for the little sister.

Here’s is how I explained it is different.  Marriage is a birth of a new chapter for two people.  In some ways it is the death of their single lifestyles.  But, more than that, marriage (not the wedding) is an active choice.  It is the moment of “I choose you and I choose to go through life by your side.  Literally, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, for richer or for poorer – when you look around, that’s me, right by your side.” 
That moment that I caught that bride in, the excitement with girlfriends before the ceremony, the dress shopping, the registry, the ring, the proposal, that is nothing compared to that moment when you make the choice.  Getting married is not being married.  Being married is all that much better.

Check mate for the big sister.

Sign on the Dotted Line


When planning our wedding there were a few things I really wanted for the ceremony: a chuppah, a broken glass and a ketubah (the Jewish wedding contract).  I am Jewish and Mark is atheist and raised Catholic, and so planning a ceremony that reflected our individual backgrounds, and shared future was important.

The ketubah became a pet project for both of us.  If you google search “ketubah” you’ll see endless varieties; Orthodox, Conservative, Reform, Interfaith, Second Marriages, GLBT marriages.  And yet, none of these really clicked. Our wedding officiant, Cantor Debbi Ballard was very supportive of us creating our own ceremony that was unique and personal to us, and she encouraged us to apply that same consideration to our ketubah.  So, just like our invitations, the ketubah was written by us and designed by me.

We treated the text of our ketubah like our own vows, and agreed that the it’s text would be the guide for our future.  I am really proud of what we wrote, promised and agreed to.
On Saturday, the twenty third day of January,
Two Thousand and Ten,
Mark
and
Carly
joined each other before family and friends
to enter into a mutual covenant of marriage,
and with love and compassion
each vowed the following commitments:
To Ourselves-
To continuously improve our minds, bodies and souls
To push ourselves to achieve goals
To do good in the world
To love life, arts, sciences
And above all to have a sense of humor.
To each other-
To be friends, Partners and Lovers
To be honest and build a relationship on trust
To be kind, to communicate
To be a source of strength and balance for one another
To grow together.
To Our Family
To create a nourishing home for happy and Healthy children
And an open home to all.
Our commitment to the above seals this document

Our ketubah was written with a focus on each of us and us.  It was important to us for the document to guide our marriage and focus on the growth we would want to experience and embrace so that we could continue to grow together over the journey of our lives and our marriage.

We signed our ketubah, and had our best man and maid of honor (Mark’s brother and my sister) serve as our witnesses.  In the Jewish faith the signing of the ketubah meant we were as good as married, so we sealed it with a kiss.

To Match, or Not to Match, That is the Question


As first a bridesmaid and then a bride, I know that picking out bridesmaids dresses can be tough.  As a bridesmaid, you want something wearable and flattering, something not budget busting, and to please the bride.  As a bride, I wanted something my friends could afford, would like and that they would also feel beautiful in.  

I think at one point I was open to them all wearing different styles, and buying off the rack and was choosing between purple, brown, gray or black – also known as aubergine, espresso, ebony and pewter — ahh, weddings! 

Somehow the indecisive bride and her completely supportive friends came to one decision.
Five beautiful Bridesmaids, Image by Ashley Colhouer
They looked stunning, but, if I were to do it again, I might do it all differently, as in encourage the bridal party to wear a dress that reflects their style.
They could choose a variety of different styles within a color family;
Cheyenne Schultz Photography, via Ruffled Blog

Or, choose all different styles within the same aesthetic or theme, like Christina Hendricks’ bridesmaids did for her vintage, dare I say Mad Men wedding;

Christina Hendricks Wedding Party in InStyle Magazine, via OnceWed.com 
Or they could all pick dresses that are equally glamorous or equally high fashion, like the most famous set of high fashion bridesmaids did in 2008.
The Wedding That Never Was, Sex and The City: The Movie
Creatively styling your bridesmaids will often allow your friends to buy “off the rack” from a dress store or designer that they know and like (and are more likely to wear again), and will likely save them from having to wear a dress that is sized larger than they are (as almost all bridal wear is sized differently) and to save on alterations.  Good times to shop middle of Fall – (October/November) for Holiday wear and immediately following the holiday season (January) for the best selection and sales respectively.

May all your friends be fabulous in no matter what they wear, I know mine were, and are!

It’s the extras…


I can’t stress enough that the wedding we had was perfect for us. It was our dream wedding. It is my favorite day.

However, that doesn’t mean that in the process of wedding planning I didn’t see many other things that I would have liked to have had. I sometimes joked that I could have planned ten different weddings and each would be unique – but since we’re only doing this once, those other designs and inspiration boards will have to wait for friends’ weddings, renewals and theme parties!

I am a long time fan of the beautiful calligraphy work of Laura Hooper. So much of a fan that at one point I attempted to make “Laura Hooper style Save the Dates”. We obviously went a different route, you can’t beat the real thing. I love her work for the whimsy, and unique heart each piece gets.

Designed by Laura Hooper Calligraphy


Doesn’t this make you feel like you’re about to find a Secret Garden? I love, love, love this lush aisle runner of multi-colored petals. The delighted flower girl seems to agree with me!

Image: Rebecca Thuss

We didn’t serve a signature drink, that was a trend we didn’t jump on. We did serve Champagne immediately after the ceremony. If we went signature, it would have been a mojito (we’re both big fans) and in little glasses like this. I love the idea of miniature food and drinks – and of a drink that reflects the location, or the couple.

A wedding we went to on the Big Island of Hawaii served Champagne with dried hibiscus flowers inside – it was a beautiful, subtle touch of Hawaii.

Here’s a little known secret – you can’t do this look if you’re getting married inside of a hotel, conference center, or restaurant. As devastating as that is, it’s an obvious fire hazard. I love the look of tall tapered candles, so I’ll have to figure out an occasion to incorporate this into eventually.

Image from Martha Stewart

Ever since I saw Father of the Bride, I was smitten with Chivari Chairs. To me they scream wedding. I am really loving them in the soft gold for a classic look and lacquered black for a dramatic, high glamor style.

Image from The Lace House

The sparkler exit… This is something Mark really wanted. I think if our ceremony and reception hadn’t been 4 feet apart this is something we would have done. It’s a beautiful site and totally classic. Ultimately, we didn’t miss it, we had plenty of flash bulbs popping.

Swensen Photography

In wedding planning it’s often the extras and details you really sweat and agonize over. At the end of the day you need three things: a partner, an officiant and a witness, in that moment you’ll find all the sparkle you (or your planner) could ever pay for. The rest is just extras…

Don’t budge on your budget


For a lot of people, budgets are like dirty laundry, better left unseen and unspoken of. For us, not so much. When planning our wedding our budget was front and center throughout the whole process. I would often joke with friends that our wedding was based on an Excel spreadsheet, funny as it may be, it was also extraordinarily helpful. Planning a wedding for a bride and groom (and their families) is a stressful and often expensive event, the last thing anyone wants is a surprise bounced check, or unexpected vendors fees.

In our wedding planning my husband was our CFO (Chief Financial Officer) and I was the CCO (Chief Creative Officer). I admittedly zone out around spread sheets and cash flow analysis, but am acutely aware of peonies in the perfect shade of strawberries and cream, chivari chairs, bustles and bows, so this is how I saved when planning our wedding, and many of them can be applied to
any event on a budget. Oh, and every event has a budget, some are just more grand than others.

  • Pick your season. The first tip any magazine or website will tell you to plan your event “off-season” to save money. Season in most places is April, May, June and off-season is December and January for weather related reasons. In Florida nearly the opposite is true. When planning an event off-season, or on a Thursday, Friday, Sunday night, your date is less vied for and you have negotiating leverage.
Image Courtesy Greater Miami Convention and Visitors Bureau
  • Know the climate. This is less about weather, and more about the economy. I planned a wedding in Florida, in January at the peak of the season. Was my budget blown? No way! Florida, and many destination travel cities, took quite a tourism hit in the down economy – knowing this and using this to negotiate is key.
  • Be persistent. I booked two different hotel options for our nearly 70 out of town guests. One was a more budget friendly option at $140/night and the other was luxury hotel that I negotiated to $220. Oh, but wait! I noticed on hotels.com a cheaper rate a few months later, new price $180. Not so fast, then I spotted the price dropped on the hotel’s website to $160! Score for our guests and for being an avid emailer!
Image by Ashley Colhouer Photography
  • Shop around. I found my dress, Milana by Maggie Sottero and fell in love. The store told me it was $1350. This was within my budget and I was all set. In searching for a picture of the dress online to send to friends I saw it offered for $875. I called another local store (online prices don’t count for a variety of reasons) and they had it for $850. I called back the original boutique and they happily price matched. Shop around.
Image by Ashley Colhouer Photography
  • Don’t be shy. My husband loved a tuxedo by Ermenegildo Zegna. We didn’t love the price tag. We found a close contender by Hugo Boss, but the lapel was just a bit wide, and he’d prefer a slimmer cut. We asked at Bloomingdale’s if they did alterations – and wouldn’t you know it, they did and they were very affordable. We’d never have known if we didn’t ask. Oh and the kicker, we bought the Hugo Boss tuxedo, Ferragamo Shoes and groomsmen’s ties on a day when Bloomingdale’s was having a sale for customer’s who have registered with the store. 15% off of a lot, is a lot. The same goes for bridesmaid dresses, tuxedo rentals and the like – ask for a discount when buying multiple items.
Image by Ashley Colhouer Photography
  • Use the Internet. I made my save the date postcards using VistaPrint, and a Vista Print promo code. Total price, $14.00. Major score.
  • Know your talents. I searched far and wide for invitations I loved that were in my price range. This was not happening. Then I got creative. I kept coming back to the DIY (do it yourself) concept, and so I did just that. I did my invitations myself. I bought paper for online wholesalers, made many trips to the Paper Source, set up the text, printed the cards, drew, painted and assembled each one. For a similar style card by a pro the invitation suite would have cost upwards of $7.00/each, mine cost less than $3.00.

  • Don’t be afraid of new talent. Our photographer, the very talented and amazing Ashley Colhouer of 1313 Photography was new to South Florida, and was ready to work with us to make our dream photography fit within our dream budget. She was willing to modify her packages to fit out needs. She and her husband (they work together) were by far our best expense, and the best bang for our buck. I have very happily referred many brides to her, and the raves are the same.
  • Rock it out. We went with a DJ. In the South Florida market this probably saved us between $5,000 to $8,000. This is a pretty personal decision, but our belief was that if it wasn’t going to Fergie singing “Tonight’s gonna be a good night” then it might as well be a recording.
  • Mix it up. Want a grand floral experience? How about half of a grand floral experience? If you’re all about height, save money by doing half or a 1/3 of your table with tall centerpieces and the other half with low centerpieces.
  • Pick a color. With your flowers you’ll get more visual impact with all your flowers in one or a few similar shades then with a variety of colors. Also choosing fewer varieties of flowers allows your florist to order in bulk.
  • Accessorize. You can make a strong and beautiful impact with your decor with candles (cheap!), bold linens (less expensive than those beautiful orchids!), and glass or mirrors that trick the eye and strategically placed lighting in a room. Shop around in unexpected places, we found beautiful glass votive holders at Walgreens – yea for mom’s that know how to shop!
Image by Ashley Colhouer Photography
  • Eat something. You really don’t need to serve filet mignon and lobster, although if you can and must, who am I to stop you? Serve what you like. More and more often I see weddings where the couple serves bbq, tapas, Indian cuisine, Mediterranean mezze or all of the above because this what they really enjoy. Side note, check your menu packages a buffet is often more expensive than a sit down plated meal because the kitchen has to prepare extras.

Cupcakes: Sara Coleman, The Cupcake Shoppe, Raleigh

Photo By: Kellie Kano Photography, Greensboro

  • Read the fine print (and then be creative). Our venue had a surprising $5 cake plating fee if you purchased your cake from someone other than their $7.00/slice baker. $5 x 130 is $650. You know what has no fee? A cupcake tower. Cheaper and sweeter too than a huge cake made days in advance.

In the end keep in mind what matters most; know yourself as a host and know your guests and their needs.

We did away with a lot of “traditional” items – I didn’t wear a garter, or custom Britney Spears “I’m a Bride” tracksuit, my bridesmaid did my make up, we did’t do a champagne pour for the toasts, and yes, we served chicken and fish (because that’s what we eat – chicken and fish).

It was important to us to serve good food so – we upgraded on our cocktail hour, have a good time – so we had an open bar, keep it personal – so we had Italian favors and chocolates and a homemade cookie bar. And at the end of the night had the most memorable, totally us, and under budget wedding!

Image by Ashley Colhouer Photography

In case you’re having a case of the Mondays…


I have been out of the blogosphere all weekend as I am working with teens for a service/advocacy program. The program ends on Monday and it will be a busy day with the teens and a busy transition back into the office.

Long weekends, lots of teenagers and little sleep give some people a case of the Monday’s…
If you possibly have a case of the Mondays and need a few mental breaks here and there, here are some distractions (errr, tips!):
This is a cake ball. They were made famous by a sweet and funny little blogger named Bakerella. Her blog was the first one I really followed consistently (she’s a Sunday/Monday updater). Her ideas and talents are very impressive, but never oooh soo scary and intimidating.
This photo is by Elizabeth Messina. Her website, http://www.kissthegroom.com/, was the source of our save-the-dates. She is a phenomenal photographer. She works with beautiful, regular people and “the beautiful people”. She has an amazing ability to find the calm and glow in all of life’s moments, from love to wedding to baby and beyond.

I have been married for five months and I still visit the Weddingbee. I was also an avid visitor to several other sites and resources, which I’ll be sure to share a long the way, but this site was key. The site has a collection of bride bloggers which means there is no Bridal Industry voice, it is just a collection of unique voices, perspectives, customs, cultures, budgets and relationships honestly and openly sharing their experience from engagement through the wedding day and for at least a year following. You will never find a more honest site about the experience of being engaged and planning a wedding.

If you’re still bored and just not swayed by sweet images, sweet foods, or weddings, check out Facebook for the afternoon. That’ll give you a mental break. See you on Tuesday!

Weddings, Inspired


Today is five months since Mark and I got married. Time flies in five months. It’s also about 1.5 years since I was really in the thick of wedding planning. The wedding industry and the wedding blogging industry provide an endless supply of weddings to model after, weddings to aspire to, and weddings just to drool over. Early on I fell in love with this wedding by Ariel Yve, as featured on the very inspiring Style Me Pretty. source: Style Me Pretty, Photography by Raya Photography

After doing a lot of Internet searching, and finding inspiration at Snippet and Ink and many other fantastic sites, I thought it would be helpful to create my own inspiration board. I was planning our Boca Raton wedding from Washington, DC, and had limited opportunities to meet with vendors so my vision needed to be clear. I wanted a Mid-Summer Night’s Dream (in January), vintage, chic, Anthropologie, Classic wedding. Do you think that was confusing? This is what it looked like in my head…

From L-R: Tuxedo:Hugo Boss, Dress: Maggie Sottero, Martha Stewart, Ariel Yve, Confetti Cakes, Flowers from theknot.com, Bari Jay Bridesmaid Dress, Ariel Yve, theknot.com, kissthegroom.com

I won’t keep you in suspense any longer, as to where we ended up (and yes we did have a cookie bar!). In the posts to come I’ll share more recaps, tips, vendor strategies and lessons learned.

wedding photos from the very talented Ashley Colhouer Photography

And we live happily ever after. Happy Month-iversary!